Letters and lessons from Dr. Dustin Domingo’s 'With Love: What We Wish We Knew About Being Queer and Filipino in America'

Photo Courtesy: Dr. Dustin Domingo

Dr. Dustin Domingo’s latest project, “With Love: What We Wish We Knew About Being Queer and Filipino in America,” is a heartfelt anthology that explores the intimate journey and unique perspectives of fifty individuals. Written in the form of letters addressed to their younger selves, this collection of stories offers readers an intimate glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of navigating life as an LGBTQIA+ person in the United States.

As an artist, educator, writer, and student services professional at UC Riverside, Domingo channels his wide range of interests into projects that provide community members with the tools and platforms to share their stories. Despite experiencing an unexpected lay-off from his job in 2023, Domingo saw this as a chance to revisit his passion for bringing people together. He partnered with Dr. “Pinky'' Pat Linsay Catalla-Buscaino, editor of “The Kuwento Book: An Anthology of Filipino Stories + Poems,” to curate a collection of stories that centered on the perspectives of LGBTQIA+ Filipinos.

“I would have loved to have a book like that growing up, to have seen that on the shelves of a library, on the shelves of someone’s home, or on the shelves of a bookstore. Something that reminded me that it was okay and lovely to exist as I am,” Domingo said.

Inspired by the concept of using self-affirmations and nurturing one’s inner child, Domingo invited participants to submit written letters that would inform, empower, and comfort their younger selves.

“The practice of writing to your younger self is important for people to start doing. It’s a helpful way to communicate with younger people and future generations. It's a very intimate way to get into somebody’s brain and really immerse yourself in what people are experiencing in their lives. I feel like letters really lent themselves to a project like this,” Domingo said.

Drawing from his own experiences, Domingo applied his unique perspective to identify ten common themes and life lessons in “With Love.” He approached this task with great care, recognizing the deep responsibility to represent people’s stories with respect, dignity, and compassion.

“I want queer Filipinos to feel seen and heard. I want folks to feel comfortable and know so many of the book’s letters reflect their own personal stories. Especially for closeted folks—for them to have the strength to be their authentic self, regardless of age, because the coming out process is terrifying and sometimes traumatic. I want folks considering coming out to know that there’s a community who will gladly and lovingly accept them,” Domingo said.

Chapter Two, titled “Beware of Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, and Self-Depletion,” discusses the challenges of striving for perfection, seeking love and respect through relentless hard work, and hesitating to ask for help. The chapter held personal significance for Domingo, who, having experienced internalized homophobia and racism growing up, understood the impacts that self-hate can have on the mental health and overall well-being of young people.

“Being a queer Filipino is trying to appease people, whether that’s for safety or a sense of belonging. That is exacerbated when we take into consideration the impact of social media. You try to conform to an image of someone you think you’re supposed to be instead of being authentically you,” Domingo said.

The history of Spanish colonization has deeply influenced Filipino identity, particularly through the introduction of Catholicism. Familial expectations, feelings of guilt or shame, and emphasis on sacrifice and collective responsibility can impact mental health, leading to increased levels of anxiety, depression, and hesitation to seek help.

“The point of decolonization is not necessarily to simply know the history 100 percent, but that it’s okay to ask critical questions and be willing to have tough conversations,” Domingo said. “When people share their stories, it gives others permission to reflect on their own experiences and have meaningful conversations about those experiences with others, and that discourse can happen where we can then treat each other better.”

For Domingo, building a more welcoming, inclusive, and compassionate world where LGBTQIA+ communities can thrive requires the collective effort of every individual. To achieve this future, he emphasizes the need for meaningful action, deepening relationships with one another, and a willingness to learn.

“There are many ways in which people can save the world,” Domingo said, “and this is one of the things that I hope will move us in that direction.”